Do you have a shy child? There are some ways to help your little one grow and bloom. Stay focused on the positive. Did you know that shyness can be the seeds of a Super Power?
1. Model & Practice Social Situations
Model and practice. Model and practice. Model and practice. Sometimes it will seem that your days will be all about modeling and practicing. That's okay!
In the case of shyness or social anxiety, you will find that role playing and practicing are very effective tools. When your child is old enough to speak, you can help them practice meeting people. You can start by pretending you are a new person . . . . Remind them to stand up straight, look the person in the eye, hold out their hand, and say something like, “My name is _______. It’s so nice to meet you.”
Now, keep in mind that your kiddo is practicing with you. That is always a bit easier for our kids, but it is still helpful to role play. On occasion you might ask a grandparent or a close friend to help out. Practicing with a familiar person helps children to develop a somewhat of a predictable script for what they need to do in certain situations. This gives them confidence because they know exactly what to do and say in “x” situation.
You can use the model and practice technique to work on all kinds of situations when shyness can cause misunderstandings or awkwardness:
- meeting people
- asking and answering questions
- ordering food at a restaurant
- asking to use the restroom
- asking for directions
Model and practice is also a great tool to use when preparing your child for uncomfortable or even dangerous situations. In addition to pleasantries, coach your children on what to do if they feel uncomfortable in a situation, and every so often, have a practice session. I think this is especially important for shy children who struggle to speak for themselves.
2. Remember That Shyness is a Super Power!
We generally don’t recognize character traits as super powers in our children. After all, they are young and haven’t quite figured out how to channel that trait in a completely positive direction. However, the fact is that shy kids are likely to be introverts, and introverts have proven to be some of the world’s greatest thinkers and dreamers.
Introverts are also known for their humility, servant-hood, and their deep compassion for others. While some kids are bouncing off the walls (and don’t get me wrong here...that’s a super power too!), shy kids are sitting back, taking it all in. They are making mental notes about how not to behave, how a friend is feeling after a fall, and how he or she can best stay out of the spotlight.
So instead of worrying, always keep in mind that shyness is simply an element of a blossoming personality, and it’s our job as parents and teachers to help them develop those super power traits to the fullest.
3. Provide a Comfortable Place for Your Shy Child to Talk
The downside to being shy is that you tend to bottle up a lot of emotion. This is definitely a negative way to handle big feelings. A positive and nurturing outlet is often as simple as a place to be alone with Mom or Dad, without interruptions, and where you are not forced to make eye contact.
=> Car rides often fit the bill.
=> How about an invitation for a tea time to talk and visit?
=> For some families, the bedtime ritual provides a perfect framework for some great heart-to-hearts.
=> Talking to mom in the kitchen while she cooks dinner can work well. There are many variations on these ideas.
Of course, a comfortable place not only refers to the actual location but also the person on the receiving end. When giving a shy child the opportunity to talk freely, it should be just that—free. Allow them to explore their feelings, fairly uninterrupted. Most of the time, they don’t really need advice, just a trusted, listening ear.
Some parents worry about whether their child will ever come out of their shell. Patience and love, model and practice, repeat! Have faith that patient guidance in your child's early years will help.
So hang in there, moms and dads. Our shy kids will bloom! They just have to hone their super power.
Sources: Soutenus and
https://www.sonlight.com/blog/shy.html
